Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
