there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
