She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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