I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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