bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
