I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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