Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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