a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
