I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
