I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
