dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
