She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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