Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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