after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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