one two three fourrrrnication!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
