he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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