Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
