Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
