I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
