Me too!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
