and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
