The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
