and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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