She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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