I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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