I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
