i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
