I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
