Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need water and some morals
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
