This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
