gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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