Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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