my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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