I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need a burrito and a hug.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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