So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
