MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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