i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
