I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
