i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
