butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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