y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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