Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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