I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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