I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
