if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
