sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
