here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
