I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
