This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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