I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
