This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
